umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
