The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Randomize
