i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize