i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
