Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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