What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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