You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
