That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
