They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
