I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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