What did we do last night that was yellow?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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