you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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