i think my tv is drunk
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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