Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
