I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it's like iHOP with fire
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
