If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
