Welp...herpes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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