I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
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