I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
