We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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