im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your cock deserves a montage
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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