You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
