drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
