So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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