So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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