____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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