I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
