She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
