the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You are a genius and a whore.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
