Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
