there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize