I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
