My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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