just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
