She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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