its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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