I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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