oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
