do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
