Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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