Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
