We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
