thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
