if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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