Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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