We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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