I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
