He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
