He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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