So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
