guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize