There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
