i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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