My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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