Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
