Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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