I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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