just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
