Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
