I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
