Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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