If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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