erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My vagina just recognized that song.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
