I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
