I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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