im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
