so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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