I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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