I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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