Where is the hickey?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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