Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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