You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
