Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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