Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
