trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
