Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
