I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
