My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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