I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
