I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
