i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
