wrigley field is MILF paradise
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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