The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize