Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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