he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
