I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
