I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
