there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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