apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
