this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
