I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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