toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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