oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
