If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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