apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize