He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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