you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
