I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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